One Week

One Week:

It’s amazing how much can change in a week. Last Friday I was happy. I was counting down the hours till this Friday – the last of the empty mornings for lectures, and sleepless nights for work….And the reward:

I was gonna go out, look fabulous and wear new clothes that I had just bought for the occasion. I was gonna meet new people,hopefully some potential love interests and just really enjoy myself.

Last Friday I ended the day on a high note – Walking to the parking lot with my ‘friends’ talking in the sunshine and joking and messing around. Great memories….If I had known then that it was all gonna change so fast, then maybe I would’ve walked even slower in my suede wedges…drawing out the moments of perfection and true happiness….But I didn’t….So now it will only be a memory of true happiness….maybe the last for a very long time…

 

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On Tuesday it was coffee at Woolworths as usual….Things felt different, I felt different….Something was wrong in the atmosphere and I could feel it….it was so incredibly tangible….Maybe it caused the actual offness within me….or maybe it was the other way around….Either way, waking up late that morning, rushing to varsity and realising that they changed your maths Semester Test Venue without telling you, rushing around looking for it for 30 mins,and then collapsing in an unsexy heap in the last seat…Really did not help matters…

 

But there I was drinking coffee,expecting things to be amazing…but something was wrong….something had changed….Friend 1 had even ordered a white hot chocolate….maybe that should have warned me….after all it was so sweet that the smell nearly made me wanna throw up…Why didn’t he wanna order the usual gingerbread latte? Apparently he ‘wanted change’ or something like that….

 

He was acting weird….almost offish….I didn't really notice….after all I was just so glad to have him there; And he asked/told me that we were gonna party on Friday night….without even thinking of my previous plans - I automatically said Yes…Partying was gonna be awesome, couldn’t wait…and neither could he right?!….I turned down lunch with him after varsity though….I wasn’t feeling up to eating….I wasn’t feeling up to company….But He had confused me….with his vagueness the whole day…and the fact that I hadn’t seen him for a week….I missed him oddly enough….I couldn’t get myself to drive away but eventually did….

 

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Wednesday I couldn't concentrate…I had no idea what was going on….I didn’t even know the Day…My work was completely void of any thought….But Friend 2 and Friend 1  helped…what awesome friends right?

Friend 1 persuaded me for lunch…I pushed for Mickey D’s…I couldn't drive myself all the way to the Glen….and then try to eat at M&G….I just couldn’t do it….

It was ok….we talked….After he let slip that he had gotten promoted at work over the weekend….But he had not told me,and apparently never was going to tell me….

Wednesday Night I actually had a conversation with Friend 2….which kind of turned from my genuine concern and kindness for him….Into something that almost resembled a fight…But Friend 2 and I never fight, we simply and eloquently state our very logical phrases and ideas….and we never seem to get anywhere…However I do remember being blamed quite alot throughout….But I accept responsibility, it was my fault trying to have a normal conversation….

 

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Thursday was the Day I realised I had gotten played….Trying to have a normal friendly conversation with Friend 3…But he starts his asking….His insulting questions and his inability to actually give a damn what I say….Irk me…I start to get angry – the weeks pent up stress laying heavily on me…..I use exclamation marks to get my point across….I'm not shouting…I’m just trying to make myself heard….It doesn’t work….He shouts at me….And I honestly cant handle anymore…try to tell him that..and he very kindly says ‘ I don't have time for your problems’ ….I say ‘fine’ and he then asks me a disgusting question….As though he hasn’t heard enough….

All the while I have Friend 1 nagging me at the other end…yes I’m excited for tomorrow….Can’t wait to party and celebrate….Then I find out about ‘Kirsten'….Well rather I guessed and had to extract it from him….somehow this annoys me….that He cant even tell me something like this???

I decide I need to just go sleep….I log off and….stay awake all night….

 

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Friday I make my self look amazing…Sms Friend 1 - 3 or 4 times, but he never arrives at Varsity….much later on, he very ignorantly sends “Sorry I missed u but i had the most amazing sleep :-)”….

I wasn’t happy….I was sad….was that selfish of me? To think that a best friend ditched me for sleeping?…..I don’t think so….And that damn smiley face was so arrogant….

I sent back a short reply….much later on I get a message telling me that he wants a ‘rain check’ but will make it up by letting us go out to dinner tomorrow….More arrogance….selfishness…not caring that I wanted to go out tonight?! Not caring that I cancelled my amazing plans without a second thought for him…and then he cancels….And more arrogance,just expecting me to be free on Saturday night….Not offering me dinner, making us take it together….No….that’s my reply…

 

Later on I saw on FB that he had spent the afternoon out with two other people….Explains a lot….I was back up as  usual…

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I’ve had enough…I don't need nonsense anymore….Three friends,three almost separate incidents….three cases of absolute humiliation….Three guys who are very arrogant….

 

And then there is me….the sucker for punishment,who puts up with their shit for no reason….I don’t actually need them…I don't actually need friends….But I WANT them…Friend 1 is possibly out of the picture forever now….Friend 2 – is an amazing person, who somehow just seems to get me and knows how to deal with and handle me, definitely still want to stay friends there….Friend 3 - I haven’t quite decided about yet, will make it known at a later stage…

Back to Friday….

 

And so….I took myself out for a party and celebration….And I spoiled myself!….And that is basically my way of saying….cheers, I’m done making the effort and putting up with shit…I sure as hell don’t deserve it, not when I don’t need you (afore mentioned friend above) in the first place anyway!

 

                                    Au revoir Garcons!

Love and Skating

Love and Skating, two things that to you may seem almost complete opposites, and yet to me they have everything in common.

I absolutely love ice skating, to me it is like breathing. So effortless and so easy. You can glide across the ice without a worry or care in the world, it just sets me free. It also leaves my mind free to think of other things, things that might be bothering me.

Love is tha reason for living, the whole point of our existence is to find true selfless love. A love where you give so much love to the other person and yet expect none in return. Love makes the world go round and is the reason why you and I are still alive today.

Love is exactly like ice skating. Trying on a new pair of skates is like having a crush on someone, and working up the courage to step on the ice or ask them out is the next step. Then you have to try to figure out how to skate and make the relationship work, by getting to know the other element better. From then on its all smooth gliding for a while, as easy and effortless as breathing. Perfect turns and glides.
Then along comes the tiny fights and the slight trips and falls. But you get up again and try again, dirty but willing. You decide to move faster then, pushing yourself to the limit, and before you know it, you are hurtling at top speed. But suddenly somebody comes in the way, an obstacle in your beautiful almost perfect pathway. An obstacle that you have to stop for because even if you try to go around it you will fall.
So you stop, take a little break, and then get going again. This time you are going even faster than before, because you are thrown in the deep end straight away. But this time the obstacle comes out of nowhere, like skating backwards, you just didn't see it coming. You crash and hurt yourself. And before you know it, your lying on the ice dizzy and confused. Maybe even crying, trying to figure out what happened and what went wrong.
You get off the ice in anyway possible and so hurt that you can't think about anything else for a while. You in fact don't ever want to try again for a very long time.
But then a reason comes along and you realise that trying again might not be so bad.

Yes love and skating seem abstract at first, but after a while you realise that they are as much the same as a knife and fork...And if you don't believe me just give them both a try...The skating and love, not the knife and fork...